Dear Daughters, It's Okay to Change Your Mind

Dear Daughters,

It's okay to change your mind.

Maybe these days you're frustrated with yourself because you can't seem to stick with something. Perhaps you loathe yourself for not being more disciplined.

That problem is common to everyone. It's annoying, to be sure.

But I do want you to know that it's okay to change your mind and take a different route.

I wish I could say that, by now, I've mastered myself and learned to marshal discipline instead of relying on motivation.

Motivation lasts for a moment, but it wilts like a flower in the hot sun.

Discipline, however, endures.

It's how we continue moving forward when motivation has long since disappeared. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Discipline is as necessary as breathing if we want to live productive and fulfilling lives.

I wish I could say that I've mastered it.

I pray that, at the end of my life, I'll be able to look back and at least identify some areas where I learned to exercise discipline faithfully.

But there is another danger here, and it's what I want to circle back to.

Changing your mind.

Your Momma and I have frustrated you girls over the years because sometimes we would come to you and say, "We're only going to have candy on the weekends."

Then, a few days later, we'd announce, "Actually, we're getting rid of candy altogether."

I know this wasn't particularly helpful to you. It created boundaries that seemed to move constantly. And that left you confused.

As parents, we need to be consistent, and I recognize that we haven't always done the best job of that.

But I also think this illustrates something important.

Sometimes it's okay to change your mind when you have new information.

We noticed that even limiting candy to the weekends was creating behaviors in you girls that we didn't want to encourage.

For example, the weekends began to revolve around candy rather than spending time together as a family.

Something that we initially thought would work simply wasn't working the way we expected.

So we changed course.

Now, I don't want you to mistake changing your mind for an excuse to abandon every difficult thing you encounter. There is a difference between giving up because something requires effort and recognizing that the direction you're heading may not be the wisest one.

And sometimes that difference is difficult to see.

Throughout your lives, you'll constantly need to examine what you're doing and how you're spending your time.

You'll make plans. You'll change your mind. And you'll continue struggling to figure out what works.

Maybe you'll start a new career or go off to university, only to discover that the path you chose wasn't what you expected.

You might even look back and think it was a giant waste of time.

That happens.

And I want you to know that it's okay.

As hard as it may be, I ask you not to worry yourself endlessly over these things.

As important as discipline and commitment are, it's equally important to learn how to navigate the uncertainties of life.

We don't always know whether a decision we're making is the best one.

Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we choose a route that doesn't get us where we wanted to go.

But that's okay, too.

We do our best with the information we have at the time. And when we learn something new, sometimes wisdom requires us to reconsider the path we've chosen.

That doesn't necessarily mean we lacked discipline.

It may simply mean we've grown.

So please, don't let changed plans create a restless heart within you, as though every change of direction is evidence that you're failing.

You're not necessarily failing.

You're learning.

You're growing.

And just as you once cried in your beds with the physical growing pains of childhood, there will be tears that come with the pains of growing as an adult.

I wish I could spare you all those tears.

But I know I can't.

What I can tell you is that you don't have to have everything figured out today. You can be disciplined in what you pursue while remaining humble enough to recognize when a change is necessary.

Make your plans. Work hard. Be faithful in what God has placed before you.

But hold those plans with open hands, knowing that tomorrow may look very different from what you imagined today.

And when it does, don't be afraid to reconsider your direction.

I love you girls, and I'm so very proud of you.

Papa