Dear Daughters,
I was recently reading a book by Bryan Chapell called Holiness by Grace, and to say the least, I loved it.
I greatly appreciate those moments in life when something suddenly clicks. I'm sure you've experienced this yourselves. Someone tells you something that makes perfect sense at the time, but years later, you hear the same truth explained by someone else, and goodness gracious, it just lands differently.
Well, that's what happened to me with this book.
Throughout my early life, I struggled with understanding God's love and mercy. I constantly graded myself according to what I did, how well I behaved, and whether I thought God was pleased with me that particular day.
The interesting thing is that I intellectually understood justification by faith alone. I could explain that we're made righteous before God through faith in Christ and not through our good works.
But I hadn't really taken hold of that truth in my heart.
And daughters, there's a tremendous difference between understanding something and actually living as though you believe it.
Understanding God's Grace Instead of Living in Fear
It's difficult to explain the emotional turmoil that comes from constantly questioning your standing before God. You begin viewing Him almost as an ogre in the sky, waiting for you to slip up so He can pummel you for getting something wrong.
What a miserable way to live the Christian life.
And what a terribly distorted view of our Heavenly Father.
Romans 8:1 tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I knew that verse, but I often lived as though condemnation were always waiting around the corner.
One of the things that struck me most while reading Chapell's book was the relationship between grace and our motivation to obey God.
We often try to change people's behavior through fear, guilt, and shame. And sometimes those things work, at least temporarily. We might frighten someone into obedience or make them feel sufficiently ashamed that they stop doing whatever we disapprove of.
But what have we actually accomplished?
Have we changed their hearts, or have we simply changed their outward behavior?
I think those methods can easily cultivate resentment, bitterness, and even hatred when they become the foundation of our relationships.
And I don't want that kind of relationship with others, especially with you girls. Most of all, I don't want to relate to God that way.
Now, don't misunderstand me. Scripture certainly teaches us to fear God, repent of our sins, and take His commandments seriously. Sometimes the conviction of guilt is precisely what we need to recognize our wrongdoing.
But that's different from believing that we must continually earn God's love through our performance.
God's grace doesn't give us permission to continue in sin. It gives us a reason to love and obey Him.
As Jesus says in John 14:15, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."
And 1 John 4:19 reminds us that we love because He first loved us.
Do you see the difference?
Our obedience isn't supposed to purchase God's love. Rather, His love is what moves us toward obedience.
Let Love and Grace Shape How You Treat Others
I was thankful to find that Chapell didn't present grace as though God were some sort of sky fairy who simply smiles at everything we do. His treatment of holiness and grace takes sin seriously while reminding us that our acceptance before God rests upon Christ, not our own accomplishments.
And I believe that's a deeply biblical distinction.
I'm so thankful that God has gifted men like Dr. Chapell to communicate these truths. I heartily recommend Holiness by Grace, especially if you've ever felt that the Christian life is impossible because God is simply waiting for you to mess up.
But I want you to take something more personal from this letter, daughters.
Whether you become mothers, marry, or find yourselves in any number of other relationships, please be careful about using shame, guilt, or fear as your primary means of changing others.
Correct people when correction is necessary. Speak the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. But remember that love is far more than simply demanding better behavior.
And please, don't spend your own lives constantly condemning yourselves because you haven't lived up to some standard of perfection.
I spent far too many years doing that.
You will make mistakes. You will sin. And you will need to repent. But if you belong to Christ, your failures do not make His finished work insufficient.
I hope you girls will understand that much earlier in life than your Papa did.
And when you find yourselves struggling, I pray that you'll remember that the God who calls His children to holiness is also the God who has shown them such extraordinary mercy in Jesus Christ.
Don't spend your lives trying to earn the love that Christ has already secured for His people.
I love you girls, and I'm so very proud of you.
Papa