Dear Daughters, Why I Asked You to Wait

Dear H, P, and E.

It makes me so happy to have you all run to me when I get off work. The sound of your collective voices screaming in delight, "Papa is off work!" will forever be burned into my mind. I know I will look back on this time with great fondness.

You each circle around me, vying for my attention. My ears are bombarded with a never-ending itinerary of fun things to do. Sometimes I respond enthusiastically, and sometimes I don't. Your father is still impatient and prone to selfishness. I hope that, at the very least, my consistent response has been one of joy.

I remember one time recently when I came out of my office and told you all that I needed to talk to Momma first.

You all, of course, protested.

That did not seem like your idea of priorities!

But I want you to know there is a reason why, many times, I came out of my office and told you to hold on because I needed to talk to her first.

You see, I'm of the conviction that in a marriage, Momma comes first, and then you girls.

I remember seeing your faces and how devastated you looked. The betrayal practically screamed from your expressions.

"How dare he not want to play with us immediately!"

Well, here is why.

Momma and I are one.

Do we get along all the time? No, absolutely not. Do I frustrate her, and does she frustrate me? Yes. But Momma and I made a family out of our love for one another.

She is my priority because I am one flesh with her, in a way that I am not with any of you. Our marriage is a unique commitment, one that we made before God and one that I believe we have a responsibility to protect.

Genesis 2:24 establishes the one-flesh union between husband and wife. This is the biblical foundation for the distinction you're making between your relationship with Momma and your relationship with your daughters.

Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Does that mean I would not give my life for you girls if the need arose?

Of course not!

It doesn't mean your needs are unimportant or that I love you any less. But it does demonstrate the level of commitment I have to my wife.

If you have children of your own now, perhaps you'll understand this a little better.

When you're in the trenches with your munchkins, you'll get anxious, overstimulated, and scared. You'll feel like you haven't had a conversation with another adult in weeks.

You'll feel alone, yet surrounded.

Even while your little one jumps off the top ropes to pile-drive into your spleen, you'll somehow feel alone.

(Yes, you all did that. Ha!)

Papa and Momma needed time together.

We needed to talk and make sure we were on the same page. Sometimes it was about our day. Sometimes it was about something troubling us. And sometimes we simply needed a moment together without the noise and demands of everything else.

I needed to hold her, comfort her, and encourage her.

And she needed to do the same for me.

I know you didn't like hearing that you needed to wait. But now that you're older, I want to encourage you to guard your time with your spouse.

If you're married and have children, I hope you understand what I'm saying. If you're not married yet, keep this in mind should you have little ones of your own someday.

And even if you never marry, I think there is still something here worth considering. We have to be intentional about the relationships God has given us. Friends and family need our time and attention, too. We cannot give everything to everyone all the time.

We have to have healthy priorities.

If Momma and I failed to talk and stay connected, not only would our relationship suffer, but eventually our ability to care for all of you well would suffer, too.

A healthy marriage doesn't mean a perfect marriage. Goodness knows your mother and I are far from perfect. But it does mean recognizing that our relationship needs care, attention, and sometimes a little time away from the demands of parenting.

So remember that when you feel like your little ones are taking up all your time.

Make time for your spouse. Talk to one another. Encourage one another. Hold one another. Remember that before you were Momma and Daddy to your children, you were husband and wife.

And if you're reading this and I'm still alive, send those grandkids over for a visit and you two go on a date!

I'm sure your Momma would love to paint with them or cook something. And I'm sure I'll find something to keep them entertained, too.

I love you all, and I hope that wherever life has taken you, you're loving God and caring well for the people He has placed in your life.

Keep up the good fight, and know that Papa loves you.

More than you know.